Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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