Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
