Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
