She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
