I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
