Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
