It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
