Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
he thought i was a dude.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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