he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
