At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
