she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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