I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Vodka?
Forever.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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