I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
