I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
