On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
