i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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