In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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