And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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