fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
