Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
