he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
