I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
