I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
