So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Congratulations! We have a period
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