It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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