Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I still have a little drunk in my system
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
