The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
