I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
