i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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