I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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