all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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