if i can run in heels then i can drive
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
