new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
