She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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