But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
