he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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