I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
