weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You made out with two different species that night
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
