He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
