I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
