I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Blow job season was short but glorious.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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