Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
my nose is crying tears of wow.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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