On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
