either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
