No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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