so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
