I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My room smells like vodka and shame
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
