No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
