she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
