She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
