i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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