just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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