The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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