i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
