So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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